there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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