I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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