Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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