around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
