Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
