Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
