Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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