And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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