dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
