I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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