Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Alive.
So much puke
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
