As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
