Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
