He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
