Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
