I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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