Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
