Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
