she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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