that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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