I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When are your genitals available?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
