Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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