addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
