Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
