You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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