Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
