That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
