Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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