If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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