my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
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You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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