I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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