I wish I could punch you in the face.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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