oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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