imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
