I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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