Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
