Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
