Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
