WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
