She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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