I wish I could teleport
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
