i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
