i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
