i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Farmville is her only friend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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