who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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