We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
