I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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