he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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