I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
