i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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