I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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