im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
