i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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