do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
