From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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