New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
