Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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