You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
