when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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