this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
