...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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