drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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