Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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