My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
