He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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